Bernie Sanders

This is a very asked for feature and we have finaly brought the technology to the phone. The Spot-5 Pro now has replaced the old virtual assistant to Bernie Sanders! He can give you political insites on your questions and you even spawn a hollogram for more realistic conversation.

Ultra-Low Quality Cameras

We wanted to cut corners on this phone but we didnt have the tools to do so, and it would pose a potential risk of paper cuts. So, we made the cameras cuts corners. With the -69:-420 aspect ratio, you can get every angle of nothing.

Shot with the Spot-5 Pro

Internet Explorer

We found that users are overwhelmed by the ammount of apps that were on their screen and wanted to change that, so the new Spot-5 Pro has one app to do it all. Internet Explorer. Why? because you can do anything with internet explorer and its state-of-the-art technology. Loading speeds have been dramatically reduced from never to only 10 minutes!

No Touch Screen

Some users have sued us for discrimination against long nails because they cant operate their phone with long nails. In result, our lawyers have told us to remove the touch screen. To operate your phone, you must plug it in to your laptop and buy our software for $99.99 (software not included) and use it to navigate your phone.

Un-Autocorrect

After 20 years of continuous and exessive research, we have discovered that auto correct is misssing pupls up and we had a solution to it. Un-Autocorrect. This will automaticalics incorrect your words into what you donnnt want to say. We have found it to increase typing accccuraccyyy by 69%! This feat is only avalibale awter you purchase the keyboard for $199.991. Good lucy finding that extreamea 0.0001 cents!